Saturday, April 21, 2007

Museum Shop Financial Report and Price Cut

Our accountants have finally gotten around to tabulating and analyzing the vast lack of sales in the museum shop for fiscal year 2006. Since we cannot use any positive integers to describe the sales figures, we are looking into the feasibility of utilizing transcendental or imaginary numbers instead. Our statisticians remain stymied by the necessity of having to divide by zero.

Our marketing department recently convened a focus group consisting of the shop's entire customer base to review our offerings. In accordance with the group's findings, we have added a number of fine items to our once meager product line, including a mousepad and bumper stickers. As always, rebellious young ladies (and their suitors) should take particular note of our "thong" undergarments featuring the controversial and possibly inappropriate "flying dead mouse" design.

Our outside marketing consultant, Harry "The Axe" Warbler, suggested that we "cut prices down to the jugular vein!!" and proclaim "we've lost our heads!!!." His proposed accompanying visuals, while undeniably edgy and eye-catching, were rejected by the good taste committee as unnecessarily graphic. However, we are pleased to announce that prices have indeed been reduced and are now so low we would need to consider cash incentives to convince potential customers to avail themselves of our merchandise. Harry suggests, possibly sarcastically, that perhaps our slogan should be "Please be sure to take advantage of the situation before our peripatetic cephalic appendages are located and properly reattached."

4 comments:

Jody said...

oooo, that's a fabulous messenger bag!

Mark G said...

peripatetic cephalic appendages

I got it: Before you get your heads screwed on straight and raise prices! Cheers to the focus group. I gotta check out the flying dead mouse thongs :-}.

Mark

bluewyvern said...

I'm not sure why comments are off in your latest post (in which I would have mentioned that I love the diorama), so I'll tell you here instead -- the Wonder Cabinet link in your blogroll is broken (there's an extra "tp//" in the address).

Cabinet of Wonders and Wonder Cabinet are both new to me, nice finds.

(Random bonus comment: today's verification word, "tigwn", sounds like the perfect name for a Welsh god.)

Jim Stewart said...

Thanks - got the link fixed but no idea why comments don't show on that one post.